It has come to my attention that most of you brain-dead, driveling freaks will watch almost anything. But, why in God’s name, do you watch horror movies? I have seen a plethora of films in the genre. I would even go as far as to call myself an expert. However, recently I have been pondering one simple thought: Why do I continue to subject myself to this garbage?!

The number of reasons NOT to watch a horror movie is staggeringly high. From terrible acting to horrendous plotlines- even the soundtracks are complete shit! Who wants to see a 28-year-old actress dressed up like a high school cheerleader getting stabbed by a mute in a prosthetic mask while a ballpark organist grabs his cat by the tail and smacks it up and down a synthesizer?! The world of horror has strung me along far enough! No longer will I watch this drivel. No longer will I write about said drivel. No longer will I be named MovieManster.

Introducing MovieMister, or MovieMr. for short! As the freshest face in the industry, MovieMr. will be reviewing all genres of movies (except horror), bringing you the latest news from Hollywood, and even holding giveaway contests involving plenty of “liking” and “sharing”. The time for change starts now! Our new partner company RendCorp will be helping our staff usher in the new movie review lifestyle we are hoping to achieve over the next few months, so changes might not be apparent immediately. Expect to see our new logo brightening this page soon!

And to all of my fans that will still chose to enjoy horror please get a fucking life.

-MM