Not expecting anything much from the fifth installment in the franchise, I snuggled up and got as comfy as I could get in my new electric chair to watch Halloween 5: Revenge of Michael Myers. From the get go the girl in the clown suit on the cover reminded me of the painful memories brought on by the last terrible movie. I figured this one can’t be any worse.

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My Bloody Valentine always sounded like a spoof title to me. It’s why I never watched it for all these years. Recently, a friend claimed it was a classic and I did happen to be longing for a movie with an atypical setting so I decided it was time to give in. The film takes place in a small mining town that is preparing for a Valentine’s Day dance when a serial killer decides to break up the fun. By the time the miners realize what is happening the murders are already piling up. They should have heeded his warning.

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Every time I hear someone mention The Lost Boys it is in a fondly reminiscent tone. The general consensus seems to be that this film is a legend in its own right. When I would tell them I had never seen it, people would gasp in disbelief. Even Netflix has been hassling me with relentless recommendations to rent it. Now I have finally gotten around to it, with positive expectations. Without wasting your time with the specific details, I can tell you this movie made me feel sore, and not just from this guy’s gyrating hips.


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Unfriended is a horror movie told completely through the screen of a single computer. To be more clear, it shows you the “live” monitor of the main character the whole time. The story unfolds through a series of Skype video chats, as well as other popular sites like YouTube and Facebook. The only top site missing was Twitter (maybe because 250 characters wouldn’t add anything of importance). It is an interesting concept, although quite ridiculous. A group of cyber-bullying teenagers are talking online together on the anniversary of a colleague’s suicide when their chat is visited by an unwanted guest. Harassment ensues. I gave it the benefit of the doubt.

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Never did I think this random movie I came across browsing Netflix would be worth my attention. I see it all the time. A film I have never heard of pops up. It has a badass cover/poster with something to pull me in. Then, I watch the movie only to find nothing from the cover made it in to the final cut, and if it does find its way in it doesn’t look nearly as good as advertised. This poster for Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead promises cool costumes, big guns and a horde of zombies.

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Shocker is a forgotten movie Wes Craven (Scream, A Nightmare on Elm Street, other awesome stuff) made mid way through his career, bless his soul. I’ve never heard anyone else talk about this film so I hope this review will convince you to give it a watch. It’s bloody, has a sense of humor, and has a great villain. It’s all around electrifying fun!

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When the first sequel to Insidious was announced I rolled my eyes. To my surprise it turned out to be a worthy addition to the story. When Insidious: Chapter 3 was announced I rolled my eyes even harder. I knew for a fact there was nowhere they could take this story that would result in something positive. My senses didn’t fail me.

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Dead Rising: Watchtower is a straight-to-streaming service (because that’s a thing now) zombie film based on Capcom’s Dead Rising video game series. The original game is the first of its kind, a trailblazer for the open world horror genre. It takes place in an infested shopping mall akin to Dawn of the Dead. Dead Rising 2 introduced a weapons mechanic to combine and create unique tools of slaughter, something Watchtower touches on. The guy on the poster up there is holding the signature weapon the main character from Dead Rising 3 uses, but unfortunately it doesn’t last long in the movie.

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Bride of Chucky. Speaking the title out loud should be enough to steer you away from watching. Fair enough, you’d rather not risk it, it would probably be a waste of time. Luckily, there is a man (well, part-man) who braves films like this so you don’t have to. His duty is clear—he must wade through the cesspools of shit, searching for a diamond in the rough. When that gem is found he celebrates! Tonight, however, there will be no such festivity.

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