TERRIFIED ft. Frontier(s) + Hitchcock

Is it possible for a film to start with a bang but then end up completely blowing it by the credits? Terrified seems to confirm this theory. An Argentinean horror, the movie canvases a suburban block where house to house unexplainable and unbelievable phenomena are occurring.

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CUBE ZERO ft. Invasion on Chestnut Ridge + Club Dread

On the cusp of Saw breaking big, Cube Zero was the final attempt at propelling this franchise about people being stuck in elaborate traps into the mainstream. Directed by Cube 2: Hypercube producer Ernie Barbarash, it is the third film in the bunch and a prequel to the original. It showcases not only the amnesiac captives navigating the ever-shifting prison but also the guards in the control room tasked with watching over the mayhem.

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SEED OF CHUCKY ft. Vampire’s Kiss + The Ruins

The pint-sized terror is back yet again to impregnate our burnt-out brains with another sequel. Seed of Chucky is the Child’s Play franchise’s open letter stating they are officially off the rails. Turning back from this is not an option.

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HIGH TENSION ft. Psychomanteum + Haunt

High Tension (aka Switchblade Romance in the UK) resides in the elite circle of horror favorites that helped shape me into the Manster I am today. It might be my top foreign film, my #1 foreign horror for sure. 17 years removed it holds up perfectly intact today.

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TRICK OR TREATS ft. The Strangers: Prey at Night + Final Exam

Trick or Treats is the bargain bin, off-brand Trick ‘r Treat Mom says you have at home. Not an anthology, the movie is about the son of magicians being babysat on Halloween night by the most gullible sitter in the world. I have to be more careful with which doorbells I ring.

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PATCHWORK ft. Cold Prey + V/H/S/2

Patchwork is the debut feature film by none other than Tyler MacIntyre, director of Good Boy AND the movie I was by chance thinking of watching next, Tragedy Girls.  What a coincidence! Patchwork hits all the proper notes of comedy and grossness a parody horror should hit compared to the lackluster Good Boy. I can only hope that Tragedy Girls leans more in this direction on the quality scale.

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MONSTER ft. V/H/S + American Fright Fest

Patty Jenkins’s (Wonder Woman) directorial debut Monster is a dramatization of the crimes committed by serial killer Aileen Wuornos, a prostitute who gunned down more than a few of her johns 30 years ago in Florida. It released in 2003 with Charlize Theron (Mad Max: Fury Road, Bombshell) winning a slew of Best Actress awards for her portrayal of Wuornos. The film beats out Bone Tomahawk for the least-horror choice this MASSACRE MARATHON so far, which isn’t surprising to me since I knew she killed with guns (as opposed to more traditional slasher weapons) going in. Still, I thought the movie might have been more thrilling. 

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MOM AND DAD ft. Sleepaway Camp + The Crazies

Mom and Dad took me by surprise with its speedy approach and upfront humor. Nicolas Cage (Color Out of Space, anything he can get his hands on) and Selma Blair (Hellboy, The Sweetest Thing) star as typical heads of the household who get swept up in a whirlwind of mass hysteria that causes parents to stop at nothing to eliminate their offspring. Written and directed by Brian Taylor, the creator of the Crank movies, so you know you’re in for a wild ride!

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DANIEL ISN’T REAL ft. Summer of 84 + Only Lovers Left Alive

Daniel Isn’t Real is a psychological horror film featuring the “talent” of Miles Robbins (Halloween, Blockers) and Patrick Schwarzenegger (Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse). It’s about a boy who locks away his imaginary friend after something awful happens only for him to suddenly return years later.

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GOOD BOY ft. The Forest + Final Destination 5

I believe this is my first foray into Into the Dark on Hulu, the Blumhouse conception aimed to please those who run out to see any half-assed horror flick in theaters by producing these bite-sized, holiday themed options that are available right at home. I second-guess myself because there are so many now that it’s hard to keep track of what I may have turned on one random night before passing out in my Beefaroni. Into the Dark classifies itself as a TV anthology series, but I hate to break it to ya: when your “episodes” are all feature-lengths (80mins or above), are self-contained with completely different casts, and there are monthly gaps between releases, then they are movies not shows.

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