MONSTER ft. V/H/S + American Fright Fest

Patty Jenkins’s (Wonder Woman) directorial debut Monster is a dramatization of the crimes committed by serial killer Aileen Wuornos, a prostitute who gunned down more than a few of her johns 30 years ago in Florida. It released in 2003 with Charlize Theron (Mad Max: Fury Road, Bombshell) winning a slew of Best Actress awards for her portrayal of Wuornos. The film beats out Bone Tomahawk for the least-horror choice this MASSACRE MARATHON so far, which isn’t surprising to me since I knew she killed with guns (as opposed to more traditional slasher weapons) going in. Still, I thought the movie might have been more thrilling. 

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MOM AND DAD ft. Sleepaway Camp + The Crazies

Mom and Dad took me by surprise with its speedy approach and upfront humor. Nicholas Cage (Color Out of Space, anything he can get his hands on) and Selma Blair (Hellboy, The Sweetest Thing) star as typical heads of the household who get swept up in a whirlwind of mass hysteria that causes parents to stop at nothing to eliminate their offspring. Written and directed by Brian Taylor, the creator of the Crank movies, so you know you’re in for a wild ride!

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DANIEL ISN’T REAL ft. Summer of 84 + Only Lovers Left Alive

Daniel Isn’t Real is a psychological horror film featuring the “talent” of Miles Robbins (Halloween, Blockers) and Patrick Schwarzenegger (Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse). It’s about a boy who locks away his imaginary friend after something awful happens only for him to suddenly return years later.

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GOOD BOY ft. The Forest + Final Destination 5

I believe this is my first foray into Into the Dark on Hulu, the Blumhouse conception aimed to please those who run out to see any half-assed horror flick in theaters by producing these bite-sized, holiday themed options that are available right at home. I second-guess myself because there are so many now that it’s hard to keep track of what I may have turned on one random night before passing out in my Beefaroni. Into the Dark classifies itself as a TV anthology series, but I hate to break it to ya: when your “episodes” are all feature-lengths (80mins or above), are self-contained with completely different casts, and there are monthly gaps between releases, then they are movies not shows.

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A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5: THE DREAM CHILD ft. The Houses October Built 2 + The Monster

If by “Freddy delivers” they mean extra cheese then what an apt tagline. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child is not the new Coheed & Cambria album title, but the fifth installment in the popular Freddy Krueger franchise. Although he is the one slinging trashy insults left and right, at this point in his career Freddy has been solidified as the brunt of the jokes.

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THE OMEN ft. Halloween + The House That Jack Built

We are almost at the halfway point of the MASSACRE MARATHON, so I figured it’s about time I revel in a classic. When I think of the top 10 horror movies of all time that shaped what the genre has become today, I would probably be obligated to include The Omen. Not only did it help set the world up for countless evil kid films along with The Exorcist, it showed how little the real antagonist has to do on screen to make you fear them.

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BLADE: TRINITY ft. The Shallows + Maniac Cop 2

I remember not having much interest when Blade: Trinity hit theaters back in 2004. I didn’t know or care who his new sidekicks were (or the actors that played them for that matter, Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds). I wasn’t a giant fan of the source material. I have nothing against Blade, I just haven’t read much of his comic book stuff, so I was never compelled to see it. I don’t even have a clear memory of the events in the first two films, save one iconic bloody rave scene. Now, 16 years later, I have finally gotten around to finishing out the trilogy.

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BONE TOMAHAWK ft. Killer Klowns from Outer Space + Spectral

Bone Tomahawk harkens back to times when men had nothing better to do than go out in a blaze of glory. An age where someone would get shot down in the middle of the saloon and everyone would go about their business. An era where one minute you are practicing exquisite etiquette and the next you are showing the savages the dangerous end of your repeater, only to die a hero.

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DOLLS ft. Hell House LLC II + Mr. Sardonicus

Stuart Gordon’s Dolls is classified as one of my specific triggering films from when I was a wee Manster. Watching it today shines new light on the bad acting from most parties involved but in turn gives me ‘Nam flashbacks to hiding under the covers in terror. The dolls are still extremely creepy today and the archaic stop-motion shots add a dated, unsettling lens to top it all off.

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SATANIC PANIC ft. Jigsaw + Lords of Chaos

Satanic Panic initially had me believing it and We Summon the Darkness were one and the same. I must have heard about the latter being in production and then saw the former’s poster because it looked like Alexandra Daddario on it, but is in fact newcomer Hayley Griffith. Satanic Panic opens up with an innocent enough but low-tier atmosphere. However, after getting over the initial hump, this flick picks up the pace.

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