FINAL DESTINATION 2

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This movie is an embarrassment. Hot on the heels of its predecessor, Final Destination 2 aims to cash in on the consumers and become what Hollywood thinks every horror movie needs to turn into- A FRANCHISE WITH ENDLESS SEQUELS. It blows my mind that this drivel came out only a year before the horror genre-revitalizing Saw. At least after that we were safe from countless sequ- OH WAIT, SAW DID IT TOO. However, I thought that franchise only started to go off the deep-end with the sixth and seventh installments when the suspenseful story behind the torture porn fizzled out. With Final Destination, it only took a second film to ruin it.

The opening scene of this movie has enough foreshadowing to fill up the pages of the complete works of Stephen King. Subtlety is not an option here and it got to the point where I was laughing out loud (the hip cats would say “L.O.L.”). Out of nowhere a giant pile-up accident on the highway happened and the best scene of the entire film unfolded. I went from chuckling to “DAYUMMMM!” in an instant. Would you believe me if I told you they used up their biggest punch of action in the first scene and it all went downhill from there? ‘Cause they did. That’s exactly what happened.

When you make a movie about elaborate set piece, freak accident murders why would you stack them in descending order. Do you want your audience to be asleep by the time the credits roll? Obviously, director David R. Ellis hadn’t heard of the “Go out with a bang” expression. Or, maybe he had, considering what happens in the aftermath scene, but by this time it was already too late.

(Spoilers ahead, but read it ANYWAY!!)

After the two main characters think they finally cheated Death (Kevin Bacon)* they decide to inexplicably have a picnic at the family’s farm where previously two of the others where grotesquely slain. I was immediately wary of the situation; it was too good to be true. The mains and the farm family are heartily eating, and jovially drinking when the farm mom asks her farm son to check on the barbecue. We all know that farm parents make their kids do the cooking! He joyfully exclaims, “OK, MOM!” and skips off to the grill. At this point I realized that earlier on he was saved from getting hit by a van when one of the people marked for Death (Kevin Bacon)** tackles him out of the way. So I knew shit was about to go down. Oh no. Here it comes. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! The kid fucking EXPLODES in the background. I’m laughing now as I type this! It was so great. His body parts fly up in the air and land on his mom’s plate as she screams bloody murder. Cut to credits.

In this movie, when the heads pop, they really pop! That’s exactly what you want to hear about a horror movie but good gore effects can’t carry every aspect of the film on its back alone. The problem is Final Destination 2 only figures itself out in the very last moment. If it took its contents less seriously from the start things would be groovy. In contrast, if it eliminated all of the cheesy “acting”, dialogue and paper thin plot and became a full-fledged, triple-A, dark and gritty film, that would certainly be nice as well. I know that’s probably asking too muc- OH WAIT. SAW DID IT.

★★☆☆☆
2 “DAYUMMMM”s out of 5

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*Kevin Bacon is not actually in this movie
**Or is he?

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