One might think I of all people would be thrilled to watch a movie with Halloween in the title, but I certainly was apprehensive of Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. If you have experienced the hogwash on display in 4 and 5 you understand why I was concerned. Halloween: TCoMM, or more simply Halloween 6, takes place yet again in the town of Haddonfield where, yet again, Michael Myers returns to cause a ruckus during his favorite holiday.

At this point it seems like whoever was at the helm of the Halloween movies was told to try and make it as convoluted and passionless as possible. With studio execs breathing down his neck, Joe Chappelle (Phantoms) directed a rushed abortion of a film, almost like he couldn’t wait to get it over with and get paid. Apparently the film was edited many times to sate the evil corporate overlords’ appetites, because I’ve heard many fans that claim the producer’s cut triumphs the theatrical version.

Listen.

I’m so SICK and tired of hearing about special cuts of films that are regarded to be the “best”. Stop making excuses for poorly made movies. If I have to track down one of these rare releases like the fucking holy grail it’s already not worth my time. Anything other than the original, standard cut is not the official film and any type of “special edition” bonus reel doesn’t make up for an already shitty movie. Now, if the vanilla film isn’t a turd in the first place it’s a different story. Then I wouldn’t mind seeing it again with added and/or altered scenes, but even so I probably wouldn’t go out of my way searching for it.

The most curious thing about Halloween 6 was seeing Paul Rudd (Clueless) before he became Paul Rudd (Ant-Man). He plays a grown up Tommy Doyle, one of the children Jamie Lee Curtis/Laurie Strode babysits in the first film. Turns out Tommy is obsessed with tracking down Michael and has spent many years plotting a way to KILL him off for good. Rudd borders on psychopathic but the script never allows him to get close to what in my opinion would be a clever direction for the franchise. If by the end of the film Tommy was revealed to have been the man under the mask all along it would have breathed new life into the now stale formula of the series. They could have even had him escape wounded at the end to come back smarter and stronger for a sequel. Instead we get a peeping tom who turns out to be a pretty good guy. If they had let him go full Norman Bates it might have saved the Halloween brand.

Halloween 6 has too few attention grabbing scenes, a twisted up plot about an uninspired cult, and not enough terror to justify the use of Michael Myers’ name. I honestly would have respected it more if it wasn’t a direct Halloween sequel and adhered to a more fleshed out cult storyline. All the cult does is silently egg Michael on from the background. Alternatively, they could have used the cult as the origin of all the slasher MADNESS in Haddonfield. It would come to light that the mysterious fiends behind the scenes were responsible for summoning the evil in young Michael’s heart from the beginning. Now, in Halloween 6, they devise a new plan to conjure up a new monster, something other than a man in a mask with a knife. But hey, I’m just some freak writing to himself on the internet, what do I know? I guess my idea wouldn’t sell as many masks.

2 fiends behind the scenes out of 5

★★☆☆☆

P.S. They should have left Loomis out of this. He was way past his expiration date. RIP