SEED OF CHUCKY ft. Vampire’s Kiss + The Ruins

The pint-sized terror is back yet again to impregnate our burnt-out brains with another sequel. Seed of Chucky is the Child’s Play franchise’s open letter stating they are officially off the rails. Turning back from this is not an option.


The most credit I can give to Seed of Chucky is for continuing to use real, animatronic dolls. I’m greatly surprised that at this point they haven’t ditched the realism completely and used horrible computer models for Chucky & friends. The meta film-within-a-film showing how the dolls are actually operated is a neat touch. However, apart from the opening first-person kills, they haven’t crafted anything worth celebrating.

The miniature murder beasts become doll-parents when they discover Glen, their long lost kin, and proceed to fight over what’s best for him. The script is in full-on soap opera mode. Controversial transsexualism, willingly Weinstein-ing and dining, and plotlines that spiral out into the unknown abyss. The trashiness outweighs any humor the series had going for it and the heaping helping of self-awareness is enough to make me seethe.


With two more additions to this timeline after Seed, a reboot film, and a canon TV series on the way, it’s safe to say people will always eat this shit up. Considering how Seed of Chucky turned out, I hope the creators kept their receipts, because they are running out of time (and a Manster’s patience) to return this unwanted gift back to Toys “R” Us.

1 intro insemination out of 5





I haven’t seen many of the classic Nicolas Cage “freakout” movies yet, but Vampire’s Kiss has to be up there in terms of Cagesanity. It’s such a fun thing to do, to watch him get so immersed in a role, so believably psychotic. On this occasion, Cage plays Peter Loew, a publishing exec who is convinced he was bitten by a vampiress during a one-night stand. The film plays out like a feverish nightmare, presenting the viewer with Peter’s skewed perception of events. This darkly comedic observation of mental illness in the big city is a mesmerizing change-up from the norm, a version I prefer to American Psycho. High points include Peter shopping for fake fangs, brutally berating his assistant, and shambling down the block pleading with passersby to stake him through the heart.


4 plastic chompers out of 5





The Ruins was another eerie basement experience during my later formative years. A film often looked over, the message about not blindly messing with indigenous culture persists. A group of vacationers get roped into an expedition off the beaten path by other foreigners they meet at their hotel. Sometimes it’s best not to see everything you can see during your trip! The Ruins is a more down-to-earth experience compared to more bombastic approaches to uncharted lands (The Green Inferno, Cannibal Holocaust), but at the same time more supernatural. Sure, the few minor uses of CGI are becoming outdated, but the remainder of practical effects remain bluntly traumatic. A perilous pyramid that deserves to be scaled every once in a Mayan calendar year.

4 sets of steep steps out of 5



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