The “Thumb Parodies” are somewhat of a curious personal legend. All the way back in 2008, when I first joined Netflix, the series caught my eye and I added the short films to my queue. Ever since then, they have been there waiting, watching me as I added more and more movies in front of them on my list. Well, today they are ignored no longer. I have finally rented The Blair Thumb.

The Thumb shorts were created by actor/writer/director Steve Oedekerk, who you probably would recognize better as the Chosen One (Kung Pow: Enter the Fist). He is also responsible for such comedic milestones as Bruce Almighty, Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, Patch Adams, and The Nutty Professor. That’s why it’s so depressing that The Blair Thumb is so undercooked.

This spoof of The Blair Witch Project consists of what little kids watch all day on YouTube. Basically, it’s screaming inanimate objects with faces crudely plastered on them, an effect that at first made me sick constantly searching for the thumb’s missing nose. This series is no doubt an inspiration, to put it lightly, to YouTube channels like the Annoying Orange. At least The Blair Thumb (2002) was original, predating internet cartoons like the Orange and even YouTube itself. Some of my young readers might find it incomprehensible that I added the Thumb shorts to my Netflix queue before the company’s instant streaming service was even available, let alone as dominant as it is today!

All of the screaming got old real quick, although I found the initial joke of the documentary crew being inept and awkward amusing. The Blair Thumb was a glimpse into the dawn of “randumb” humor. A passing glance is all that I needed before moving on. I’m assuming all of the shorts are of similar content and as a result I will be removing them from my Netflix account accordingly, cutting out the festering rot on my vine better late than never.

1 dominant digit out of 5

★☆☆☆☆

PS: Did you know that Oedekerk also created Jimmy Neutron?

BONUS REVIEW (MM 2018)

CHOPPING MALL

You will never look at Black Friday hysteria videos again after seeing Chopping Mall (formerly Killbots)! When a new robotic security force is implemented in the local mall, the staff thinks they are getting a boost in the safety department. But when lightning strikes the control tower for the new animatronic guards, the minimum wage-fed teen employees who stayed after hours to party have to escape the fire sale- ON THEIR LIVES!

Anyone who rates this (or my shopaholic cheese) movie poorly will be marked down at least half-off in my book. Featuring Kelli Maroney (Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Night of the Comet) and the mystical B-movie queen Barbara Crampton (Re-Animator, We Are Still Here), Chopping Mall is a hoot to be had. The killbots’ designs could have been more menacing but at least their arsenal of weapons light up the screen. With a premise that grabs your attention and puts its money where its mouth is, this cult-classic is worth braving the crowd.

4 buy 2 get 1 free coupons out of 5

★★★★☆

BONUS REVIEW (MM 2019)

YOU MIGHT BE THE KILLER

You Might Be the Killer is a middle or the road meta-horror film with Fran Kranz (The Cabin in the Woods, The Village) and Alyson Hannigan (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, American Pie). It parodies the tropes of slasher movies, with an amnesic main character who is trying to piece together what chaos ensued the night before at the camp he is counseling at. Very reminiscent style akin to The Final Girls but less funny. An easy watch if you’re not in the mood for something emotionally taxing as long as you ignore the misshapen plot.

3 The Mask masks out of 5

★★★☆☆