I had such a hard time finding this movie last night I almost gave up. I could only find it on Comcast Xfinity when I searched a specific way and when I did, there was no option to rent it in HD. So I ended up purchasing my first rental on YouTube. I paid a dollar extra for HD and the highest quality was 480p. Whatever. At this point I was happy enough to be watching the damn thing.
Some scary movies are so unintentionally bad they make you leave the theater laughing. Others don’t present themselves as comedic until halfway through. In this case, I knew what I was getting into. I heard great things about Juan of the Dead. No, it’s not a sequel to Shaun of the Dead, but it is just as funny in my opinion.
Every year I have been making a point to watch a Hellraiser movie. They are almost all available on Netflix Instant so if you have some hell-raising to catch up on I suggest you check it out! When I realized the MASSACRE MARATHON was almost over, I turned on the sixth installment, Hellraiser: Hellseeker. I know the farther I get down this long list of sequels, the movies are going to get worse and worse. This one is where the shit really hits the fan.
[CHARACTER BUILDING]
[BUILD UP]
[BUILD UP][BUILD UP][BUILD UP][BUILD UP][BUILD UP][BUILD UP]
♆♆♆- I have already seen this movie.
A random memory popped into my head the other day of a movie from my childhood. I remembered seeing it on the SciFi Channel and on tape plenty of times after that. That movie was the 1993 creature feature Ticks, featuring a very young Seth Green (Family Guy, Austin Powers) and Alfonso Ribeiro (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air). I decided to watch it again after many years tick-less.
A true diamond in the rough, The Greenskeeper kept me green throughout its entirety. It’s a comedy-horror commodity that (barely) stars MLB pitcher John Rocker as a mutilated employee at a country club. A murder spree has broken out and bratty teens are being bumped off every which way, with plenty of jokes in between. All poor assistant greenskeeper Allen (Allelon Ruggiero [Dead Poets Society]) wants is for his bitch girlfriend to let him be and to enjoy his birthday. His girlfriend is so mean that I wonder why she dates him in the first place. Oh, right, country club benefits.
It was nice to see some well-known actors on-screen for a change. I say this because most horror films cast relatively unknowns to make the viewers less comfortable and maybe make them forget they are watching a movie (also to keep a tight budget). Johnny Depp and Heather Graham (Boogie Nights, The Hangover) star in From Hell, the story of a clairvoyant London detective searching for Jack The Ripper. The movie was based on the 1989 graphic novel by Alan Moore.
I went down under tonight with Australian horror film The Loved Ones. I have been hearing great things about this movie since its release. From just seeing the poster I knew I was in for a bumpy ride! I suspected the plot would involve an outcast girl who snaps and takes a hostage as a prom date, but I had no idea how far the film would take it after that.
I got a chance to see V/H/S: Viral, my most anticipated film of this MASSACRE MARATHON tonight at the Philly Film Festival a few days before its actual release. I felt special! I had high hopes for the third installment in the found-footage horror anthology series. There was a decent turnout for such a late showtime. It was time to see if the drive into the city was worth it…
“Enough is never enough!” claim the makers of The Stuff. Well, by the time the credits rolled, I had enough of Larry Cohen’s 1985 horror film. I had a sick stomach tonight and watching this movie full of pulsating marshmallow-y white goop surely didn’t help one bit.
