I went down under tonight with Australian horror film The Loved Ones. I have been hearing great things about this movie since its release. From just seeing the poster I knew I was in for a bumpy ride! I suspected the plot would involve an outcast girl who snaps and takes a hostage as a prom date, but I had no idea how far the film would take it after that.
I got a chance to see V/H/S: Viral, my most anticipated film of this MASSACRE MARATHON tonight at the Philly Film Festival a few days before its actual release. I felt special! I had high hopes for the third installment in the found-footage horror anthology series. There was a decent turnout for such a late showtime. It was time to see if the drive into the city was worth it…
“Enough is never enough!” claim the makers of The Stuff. Well, by the time the credits rolled, I had enough of Larry Cohen’s 1985 horror film. I had a sick stomach tonight and watching this movie full of pulsating marshmallow-y white goop surely didn’t help one bit.
Take a look at this poster and tell me if you would watch this movie. Unless you are unreasonably afraid of clowns (apparently this image would prove unsettling to people with Coulrophobia) the goofy devil-clown on this bill would indicate that House of Fears is a cheapest of the cheap Z-movie. And don’t even get me started on that terrible excuse for a tagline. Originally, I avoided it when Netflix recommended it.
Now what are your thoughts on this version? When skimming through connected horror films on IMDB earlier this month, I came across this picture. Pretty terrifying, am I right? So I read the synopsis and looked it up on Netflix to add to my list, when I found the first poster again. I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but that was exactly what I was doing at the time. I figured I’d add it anyway for MASSACRE MARATHON and if it sucks, it sucks.
With the current influx of horror video games, I thought it would be fun to watch Stay Alive. The premise is here is a cursed video game being spread around where if the player dies once while in the game world, they die in real life in a similar fashion (think The Ring‘s videotape). I was semi-confident that with a supporting cast that I approve of, including Frankie Muniz (Malcolm in the Middle), Sophia Bush (One Tree Hill, The Hitcher), Adam Goldberg (Dazed and Confused, The Hebrew Hammer) and Jimmi Simpson (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia), I would at least be able to recommend it. Sadly, not even the actors make this film likable.
WNUF Halloween Special is a curious work of art. It was made in 2013 but appears to be filmed in 1987. In fact, its grainy appearance is what grants it its charm. It was a very small release, costing only $1,500 to make. The creators wanted to keep it shrouded in anonymity, so they pursued a silent ad campaign consisting of throwing VHS copies out of car windows and dropping off piles of tapes at conventions. The whole entirety of WNUF was supposed to capture the essence of an earlier era of entertainment. While I’m all for a heavy heap of nostalgia, unfortunately this film takes it too far.
We Are What We Are is a 2013 remake of a 2010 Mexican film of the same title. The story centers around a family that seems a bit cut off from the small town they live in. Their clothing and simple mannerisms suggest that they are a few steps behind modern society. The mother drops dead one day and the rest of the clan has to carry on the family tradition of ritualistically eating people.
Exhausting almost all of my options the past few nights, I let a random number generator pick tonight’s movie from my list. One of my favorite directors of all time, John Carpenter, popped up with his newest outing, The Ward. Amber Heard (Zombieland, Machete Kills) stars in this horror-thriller about a girl who has just arrived at an eerie mental hospital. The film is set in the 60’s and showcases the inhumane, torturous practices of institutional doctors back then, including shock therapy and lobotomy.
I thought after watching two stinkers in a row that were made not too long ago I would watch something that’s considered a classic in the horror genre. Cannibal Holocaust is regarded as notorious in the horror community so I thought I was guaranteed an end to this streak of shitty films that is forming. Apparently, not even 1980 can quell my woes.
I need to watch something good to get rid of the afterthoughts of The Den. Something that is actually scary, something that will truly entertain me. I want it to have realistic gore, an engaging plot, and top of the line acting. What’s this? Murder Party?
(80 mins later)
Ah, fuck.
MovieManster 