I have been trying to save the more directly Halloween-themed movies on my list to watch closer to the holiday. Now that the month is more than half over, I rented All Hallows’ Eve. This poster caught my eye when I was looking for upcoming horror releases last year. That clown is probably the scariest clown I have ever seen! The synopsis read like a copycat of V/H/S, so I figured it would be a decent flick.
Take a look at this poster and tell me if you would watch this movie. Unless you are unreasonably afraid of clowns (apparently this image would prove unsettling to people with Coulrophobia) the goofy devil-clown on this bill would indicate that House of Fears is a cheapest of the cheap Z-movie. And don’t even get me started on that terrible excuse for a tagline. Originally, I avoided it when Netflix recommended it.
Now what are your thoughts on this version? When skimming through connected horror films on IMDB earlier this month, I came across this picture. Pretty terrifying, am I right? So I read the synopsis and looked it up on Netflix to add to my list, when I found the first poster again. I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but that was exactly what I was doing at the time. I figured I’d add it anyway for MASSACRE MARATHON and if it sucks, it sucks.
With the current influx of horror video games, I thought it would be fun to watch Stay Alive. The premise is here is a cursed video game being spread around where if the player dies once while in the game world, they die in real life in a similar fashion (think The Ring‘s videotape). I was semi-confident that with a supporting cast that I approve of, including Frankie Muniz (Malcolm in the Middle), Sophia Bush (One Tree Hill, The Hitcher), Adam Goldberg (Dazed and Confused, The Hebrew Hammer) and Jimmi Simpson (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia), I would at least be able to recommend it. Sadly, not even the actors make this film likable.
WNUF Halloween Special is a curious work of art. It was made in 2013 but appears to be filmed in 1987. In fact, its grainy appearance is what grants it its charm. It was a very small release, costing only $1,500 to make. The creators wanted to keep it shrouded in anonymity, so they pursued a silent ad campaign consisting of throwing VHS copies out of car windows and dropping off piles of tapes at conventions. The whole entirety of WNUF was supposed to capture the essence of an earlier era of entertainment. While I’m all for a heavy heap of nostalgia, unfortunately this film takes it too far.
We Are What We Are is a 2013 remake of a 2010 Mexican film of the same title. The story centers around a family that seems a bit cut off from the small town they live in. Their clothing and simple mannerisms suggest that they are a few steps behind modern society. The mother drops dead one day and the rest of the clan has to carry on the family tradition of ritualistically eating people.
Exhausting almost all of my options the past few nights, I let a random number generator pick tonight’s movie from my list. One of my favorite directors of all time, John Carpenter, popped up with his newest outing, The Ward. Amber Heard (Zombieland, Machete Kills) stars in this horror-thriller about a girl who has just arrived at an eerie mental hospital. The film is set in the 60’s and showcases the inhumane, torturous practices of institutional doctors back then, including shock therapy and lobotomy.
I thought after watching two stinkers in a row that were made not too long ago I would watch something that’s considered a classic in the horror genre. Cannibal Holocaust is regarded as notorious in the horror community so I thought I was guaranteed an end to this streak of shitty films that is forming. Apparently, not even 1980 can quell my woes.
I need to watch something good to get rid of the afterthoughts of The Den. Something that is actually scary, something that will truly entertain me. I want it to have realistic gore, an engaging plot, and top of the line acting. What’s this? Murder Party?
(80 mins later)
Ah, fuck.
The Den is a film composed entirely of computer screen footage following a girl’s journey through the dark corners of the internet. She’s doing a study on the movie’s titular website, The Den, when she encounters a sadist who is just getting started with his new killing spree. The website is presented as a Chatroulette/Skype video chatting system. Apart from the site itself, you can see the full interactions of the girl’s desktop, as if you were sitting at her computer yourself.
Eden Lake is story without the supernatural. No aliens, no vampires, no zombies. The only monsters here inhabit this small town on the outskirts of the woods. They look like us, but do not be fooled- there is no telling what they are capable of. Don’t mess with them.
MovieManster 