My Bloody Valentine always sounded like a spoof title to me. It’s why I never watched it for all these years. Recently, a friend claimed it was a classic and I did happen to be longing for a movie with an atypical setting so I decided it was time to give in. The film takes place in a small mining town that is preparing for a Valentine’s Day dance when a serial killer decides to break up the fun. By the time the miners realize what is happening the murders are already piling up. They should have heeded his warning.
Tag Archives: MASSACRE MARATHON
THE LOST BOYS
Every time I hear someone mention The Lost Boys it is in a fondly reminiscent tone. The general consensus seems to be that this film is a legend in its own right. When I would tell them I had never seen it, people would gasp in disbelief. Even Netflix has been hassling me with relentless recommendations to rent it. Now I have finally gotten around to it, with positive expectations. Without wasting your time with the specific details, I can tell you this movie made me feel sore, and not just from this guy’s gyrating hips.
UNFRIENDED
Unfriended is a horror movie told completely through the screen of a single computer. To be more clear, it shows you the “live” monitor of the main character the whole time. The story unfolds through a series of Skype video chats, as well as other popular sites like YouTube and Facebook. The only top site missing was Twitter (maybe because 250 characters wouldn’t add anything of importance). It is an interesting concept, although quite ridiculous. A group of cyber-bullying teenagers are talking online together on the anniversary of a colleague’s suicide when their chat is visited by an unwanted guest. Harassment ensues. I gave it the benefit of the doubt.
WYRMWOOD: ROAD OF THE DEAD
Never did I think this random movie I came across browsing Netflix would be worth my attention. I see it all the time. A film I have never heard of pops up. It has a badass cover/poster with something to pull me in. Then, I watch the movie only to find nothing from the cover made it in to the final cut, and if it does find its way in it doesn’t look nearly as good as advertised. This poster for Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead promises cool costumes, big guns and a horde of zombies.
SHOCKER
♆♆♆
Shocker is a forgotten movie Wes Craven (Scream, A Nightmare on Elm Street, other awesome stuff) made mid way through his career, bless his soul. I’ve never heard anyone else talk about this film so I hope this review will convince you to give it a watch. It’s bloody, has a sense of humor, and has a great villain. It’s all around electrifying fun!
LAKE MUNGO
“A supernatural drama about grief.” Thanks, IMDB, for the lenghty, well-written synopsis. Although I joke, this one sentence pretty much says it all about Lake Mungo. It really isn’t a horror movie; more of a faux-doc presented like a special you would see on TV after 60 Minutes. That poster suggests there is at least one scene where someone is running for their life, getting attacked by a shark, or at least whipping their hair back whilst skinny dipping. Disappointingly so, there is nothing resembling that amount of emotion or action in this film whatsoever.
INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER 3
When the first sequel to Insidious was announced I rolled my eyes. To my surprise it turned out to be a worthy addition to the story. When Insidious: Chapter 3 was announced I rolled my eyes even harder. I knew for a fact there was nowhere they could take this story that would result in something positive. My senses didn’t fail me.
DEAD RISING: WATCHTOWER
Dead Rising: Watchtower is a straight-to-streaming service (because that’s a thing now) zombie film based on Capcom’s Dead Rising video game series. The original game is the first of its kind, a trailblazer for the open world horror genre. It takes place in an infested shopping mall akin to Dawn of the Dead. Dead Rising 2 introduced a weapons mechanic to combine and create unique tools of slaughter, something Watchtower touches on. The guy on the poster up there is holding the signature weapon the main character from Dead Rising 3 uses, but unfortunately it doesn’t last long in the movie.
BRIDE OF CHUCKY
Bride of Chucky. Speaking the title out loud should be enough to steer you away from watching. Fair enough, you’d rather not risk it, it would probably be a waste of time. Luckily, there is a man (well, part-man) who braves films like this so you don’t have to. His duty is clear—he must wade through the cesspools of shit, searching for a diamond in the rough. When that gem is found he celebrates! Tonight, however, there will be no such festivity.
MAMA
Mama is a 2013 film starring Jessica Chastain, directed by Andy Muschietti and presented by Guillermo del Toro. It is based on Muschietti’s 2008 short of the same name. It is about two little girls who are abandoned in the woods for an extended period of time by their coward of a father. They are eventually discovered alive and brought back into civilization to live with their uncle. But how did they survive on their own for so long? And who are they talking to when they think you aren’t watching? The answer is Mama.










