CONTRACTED

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Contracted is a movie where a girl sucks the wrong dick and turns into a zombie. You can use the poster above for reference. This movie was clearly put together with a teen girl demographic in mind; I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a made-for-MTV movie. The characters are all shallow husks and the actors don’t bring worthy talent to the table. The usual bad decisions characters make in horror films are amplified. The reactions of characters are even worse. Do you really expect me to believe that stalker guy would actually kiss that SCABBY, discolored face, even if it is his long-awaited first opportunity to score? Absolutely not! Would a restaurant manager force someone who looked like that to stay in the kitchen? No, he would most definitely call 911! Continue reading

A GIRL WALKS HOME ALONE AT NIGHT

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A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night, or for the sake of this review, AGWHAAN, is an Iranian film noir focused on a slew of deadbeats in “Bad City” whose lives all become intertwined with a young vampire. The film is beautifully shot, with the black and white giving it a gloomy tone. Between the male lead’s ’50s bad boy attitude/style and the female lead’s angst-ridden record collection at some point I was waiting for The Smiths to start playing and for them to ditch the school dance to go read poems to each other in the woods. On a scale of grindhouse to arthouse AGWHAAN definitely throws its weight more on the stylistic side, lacking the substance to make first time director Ana Lily Amirpour’s effort really hit home (similar to the trap The Neon Demon fell into). Continue reading

ARMY OF DARKNESS

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Part 1: The Evil Dead

Part 2: Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn

♆♆♆- I have already seen this movie.

The third and final leg of Ash’s adventure, Army of Darkness, sees him (and his car) being transported back in time to the year 1300 AD. He is immediately discovered by a battalion of knights and brought as a prisoner to their castle. After proving he is not an enemy, the community relies on Ash and his knowledge of technology to stop the advances of the ancient evil dead. The 1992 film stars Bruce Campbell yet again, alongside Embeth Davidtz (Schindler’s List) in her first big American movie role.

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