COOTIES

October 19, 2016 by moviemanster

What happens when a TAINTED chicken nugget makes its way from the factory to an elementary school student’s mouth? An epidemic of small proportions. Cooties is a 2015 comedy/horror film centered on a small town school where a health hazard sparks an ever-flowing torrent of zombie children. Elijah Wood (Lord of the Rings, Maniac) and Rainn Wilson (The Office, Super) attempt to lead a team of teachers to safety while using any object they find as a weapon against the “cootie-infected” kids. Continue reading →

SAW IV

October 18, 2016 by moviemanster

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Last year I ended the MASSACRE MARATHON with a BANG! I reviewed the first three films in the Saw franchise for the grand finale. I got an itch to continue on with the series, so this year I watched Saw IV. This is the first one that doesn’t feature James Wan or Leigh Whannell in any capacity while Darren Lynn Bousman (Repo! The Genetic Opera, Tales of Halloween) returns to direct for his third and final time. Continue reading →

UNDER THE SKIN

October 17, 2016 by moviemanster

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Under the Skin was released in 2014 to critic’s (and anyone looking for nudes of Scarlett Johansson) delight. I knew this movie was going to be in the arthouse category, but I didn’t think it would be drenched this heavily in pretension or bare of dialogue. Johansson plays an alien fresh off the ship and ready to steal some SKIN. She and her motorcycle riding colleague travel the Scottish countryside looking to lure unsuspecting humans into their skin-pilfering plot. Continue reading →

CONTRACTED

October 16, 2016 by moviemanster

Contracted is a movie where a girl sucks the wrong dick and turns into a zombie. You can use the poster above for reference. This movie was clearly put together with a teen girl demographic in mind; I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a made-for-MTV movie. The characters are all shallow husks and the actors don’t bring worthy talent to the table. The usual bad decisions characters make in horror films are amplified. The reactions of characters are even worse. Do you really expect me to believe that stalker guy would actually kiss that SCABBY, discolored face, even if it is his long-awaited first opportunity to score? Absolutely not! Would a restaurant manager force someone who looked like that to stay in the kitchen? No, he would most definitely call 911! Continue reading →

GOODNIGHT MOMMY

October 15, 2016 by moviemanster

Finally, a movie I regret not going to see in the theater. It has been such a long time since the last (which I guess is a good thing), but so many times recently I’ve had the opposite reaction, where I go see something on a whim and I REGRET spending the high price of admission. If only I could take back one of those misfires and replace it with a screening of Goodnight Mommy. Continue reading →

THE VEIL

October 14, 2016 by moviemanster

At first glance The Veil seems like a cheap straight to video project starring nobodies and destined for Netflix’s long list of little movies that not even the open-minded really care about (think virtual bargain bin). But upon closer inspection, a few familiar names shine through from the top billed cast. Names like Jessica Alba (The Eye), Thomas Jane (The Mist) and Lily Rabe (American Horror Story). I have never seen The Eye, but I am a big fan of latter two films and also some of Alba’s other work. Continue reading →

HELL AND BACK

October 13, 2016 by moviemanster

I remember back when this came out I was intrigued. It had so many notable names attached to it and seemed like a good piss take of The Nightmare Before Christmas due to the type of animation. Although it piqued my interest, other more important films took up my time and I left Hell and Back for another MASSACRE MARATHON. Well, I finally got around to watching it and this was my face two minutes in.

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MR. JONES

October 12, 2016 by moviemanster

Going into Mr. Jones I was ready for the worst. Netflix predicted I would give it two stars and for someone like me to give a horror movie that bad of a rating surely meant the public reviews averaged out to be less than two stars. On the surface it looked like one of those movies where the budget is tiny and the story would be lacking. I anticipated a slow, boring trod through the woods with a 2-man cast and a bunch of creepy stick-scarecrows. Nothing scary or supernatural would happen and the ending would reveal the characters jumping at their own shadows, effectively wasting the viewers time. Basically, I prepared myself for a RIPOFF of The Blair Witch Project. Continue reading →

A GIRL WALKS HOME ALONE AT NIGHT

October 11, 2016 by moviemanster

A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night, or for the sake of this review, AGWHAAN, is an Iranian film noir focused on a slew of deadbeats in “Bad City” whose lives all become intertwined with a young vampire. The film is beautifully shot, with the black and white giving it a gloomy tone. Between the male lead’s ’50s bad boy attitude/style and the female lead’s angst-ridden record collection at some point I was waiting for The Smiths to start playing and for them to ditch the school dance to go read poems to each other in the woods. On a scale of grindhouse to arthouse AGWHAAN definitely throws its weight more on the stylistic side, lacking the substance to make first time director Ana Lily Amirpour’s effort really hit home (similar to the trap The Neon Demon fell into). Continue reading →

COHERENCE

October 8, 2016 by moviemanster

Once again I put my trust in movie based on what others have said. Once again I thought from the premise that it would be in the horror genre. I’m starting to get sick of being wrong. Coherence is the latest one of many on what is becoming a long list of misjudged forays, being a mysterious sci-fi thriller, and although it was good, I was still a little disappointed. Continue reading →