I remember back when this came out I was intrigued. It had so many notable names attached to it and seemed like a good piss take of The Nightmare Before Christmas due to the type of animation. Although it piqued my interest, other more important films took up my time and I left Hell and Back for another MASSACRE MARATHON. Well, I finally got around to watching it and this was my face two minutes in.
Going into Mr. Jones I was ready for the worst. Netflix predicted I would give it two stars and for someone like me to give a horror movie that bad of a rating surely meant the public reviews averaged out to be less than two stars. On the surface it looked like one of those movies where the budget is tiny and the story would be lacking. I anticipated a slow, boring trod through the woods with a 2-man cast and a bunch of creepy stick-scarecrows. Nothing scary or supernatural would happen and the ending would reveal the characters jumping at their own shadows, effectively wasting the viewers time. Basically, I prepared myself for a RIPOFF of The Blair Witch Project. Continue reading
A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night, or for the sake of this review, AGWHAAN, is an Iranian film noir focused on a slew of deadbeats in “Bad City” whose lives all become intertwined with a young vampire. The film is beautifully shot, with the black and white giving it a gloomy tone. Between the male lead’s ’50s bad boy attitude/style and the female lead’s angst-ridden record collection at some point I was waiting for The Smiths to start playing and for them to ditch the school dance to go read poems to each other in the woods. On a scale of grindhouse to arthouse AGWHAAN definitely throws its weight more on the stylistic side, lacking the substance to make first time director Ana Lily Amirpour’s effort really hit home (similar to the trap The Neon Demon fell into). Continue reading
Once again I put my trust in movie based on what others have said. Once again I thought from the premise that it would be in the horror genre. I’m starting to get sick of being wrong. Coherence is the latest one of many on what is becoming a long list of misjudged forays, being a mysterious sci-fi thriller, and although it was good, I was still a little disappointed. Continue reading
Eli Roth (Hostel, Cabin Fever) holds a special place in my cold, crumpled HEART. Whenever I hear about a new project involving him I enthusiastically anticipate its release. When The Green Inferno was announced, however, I was hesitant. I had already seen Cannibal Holocaust and didn’t think much of that so I didn’t have any hope for a practical remake. The trailer didn’t seem to have any substance, I thought it looked like a carbon copy of its predecessor, and when it was finally released the critics were not very kind. Continue reading
Nicholas Winding Refn (Drive [high up on my favorites list], [the abysmal] Only God Forgives) and Cliff Martinez (ditto) have teamed up once again to bring forth a new movie featuring beautiful scenery, subtle themes, mesmerizing music, and, of course, actors taking long pauses to gaze into their colleague’s eyes before delivering their lines. The Neon Demon puts a magnifying glass up against the ROTTEN underbelly of the L.A. fashion industry and the obsessed models attempting to claw their way to the top. Elle Fanning’s (Super 8) sixteen-year-old new-in-town model Jesse starts off sweet and innocent but soon starts blossoming into something she can’t take back, leaving her to question how far she will go and if it is all really worth it. Continue reading
This movie is a hoax people. Wrap it up and go home! What had the potential to be a tongue-in-cheek, grindhouse-style cult classic turned out to be one of the most boring, non-funny stack of shit pancakes I’ve ever had the displeasure of eating…WITH MY EYES! Nothing-is-good-about-this-schlock-fest-and-yes-I-know-I’m-getting-carried-away-but-I-just-want-to-get-this-over-with-so-I-can-stop-talking-about-WolfCop!
Stake Land is a 2010 post-apocalyptic road movie set to the tune of vampirism. The film was conceived by apparent dynamic duo director Jim Mickle (Cold in July, We Are What We Are) and star Nick Damici (Late Phases) who both came together to pen the script. Connor Paolo (Mystic River), Kelly McGillis (Top Gun), and Danielle Harris (Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers) round out the rest of the cast. Martin (Paolo) finds himself in the care of Mister (Damici) after his family is brutally murdered before his eyes. Mister teaches Martin (possibly named after the George A. Romero movie, also about BLOODSUCKERS in Pennsylvania?) the ways of vampire hunting as they head north to the promised land of New Eden, encountering strangers along the way. Continue reading
The Unborn is a film from 2009 about a girl in college who starts having nightmares and visions of a creepy kid. She soon finds out that she had a twin brother that died before they were born, so she tries to find the connection. Is it all in her head or is something sinister really happening? Continue reading
Welcome to MASSACRE MARATHON 2016! It seems to be a budding tradition that I must watch a comedy/horror out of New Zealand. Last year I started the celebrations with the excellent What We Do in the Shadows and tonight I kicked it all off with Housebound. I had heard pretty good things about the latter for a couple years now so I decided to test the validity of the warm reception. Jump on in folks, it’s time to party! Continue reading
MovieManster 