Daniel Isn’t Real is a psychological horror film featuring the “talent” of Miles Robbins (Halloween, Blockers) and Patrick Schwarzenegger (Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse). It’s about a boy who locks away his imaginary friend after something awful happens only for him to suddenly return years later.
I believe this is my first foray into Into the Dark on Hulu, the Blumhouse conception aimed to please those who run out to see any half-assed horror flick in theaters by producing these bite-sized, holiday themed options that are available right at home. I second-guess myself because there are so many now that it’s hard to keep track of what I may have turned on one random night before passing out in my Beefaroni. Into the Dark classifies itself as a TV anthology series, but I hate to break it to ya: when your “episodes” are all feature-lengths (80mins or above), are self-contained with completely different casts, and there are monthly gaps between releases, then they are movies not shows.
If by “Freddy delivers” they mean extra cheese then what an apt tagline. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child is not the new Coheed & Cambria album title, but the fifth installment in the popular Freddy Krueger franchise. Although he is the one slinging trashy insults left and right, at this point in his career Freddy has been solidified as the brunt of the jokes.
We are almost at the halfway point of the MASSACRE MARATHON, so I figured it’s about time I revel in a classic. When I think of the top 10 horror movies of all time that shaped what the genre has become today, I would probably be obligated to include The Omen. Not only did it help set the world up for countless evil kid films along with The Exorcist, it showed how little the real antagonist has to do on screen to make you fear them.
I remember not having much interest when Blade: Trinity hit theaters back in 2004. I didn’t know or care who his new sidekicks were (or the actors that played them for that matter, Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds). I wasn’t a giant fan of the source material. I have nothing against Blade, I just haven’t read much of his comic book stuff, so I was never compelled to see it. I don’t even have a clear memory of the events in the first two films, save one iconic bloody rave scene. Now, 16 years later, I have finally gotten around to finishing out the trilogy.
Bone Tomahawk harkens back to times when men had nothing better to do than go out in a blaze of glory. An age where someone would get shot down in the middle of the saloon and everyone would go about their business. An era where one minute you are practicing exquisite etiquette and the next you are showing the savages the dangerous end of your repeater, only to die a hero.
Stuart Gordon’s Dolls is classified as one of my specific triggering films from when I was a wee Manster. Watching it today shines new light on the bad acting from most parties involved but in turn gives me ‘Nam flashbacks to hiding under the covers in terror. The dolls are still extremely creepy today and the archaic stop-motion shots add a dated, unsettling lens to top it all off.
Satanic Panic initially had me believing it and We Summon the Darkness were one and the same. I must have heard about the latter being in production and then saw the former’s poster because it looked like Alexandra Daddario on it, but is in fact newcomer Hayley Griffith. Satanic Panic opens up with an innocent enough but low-tier atmosphere. However, after getting over the initial hump, this flick picks up the pace.
What would you do to find the perfect place to live while trying to break into the Hollywood fashion industry? Lie about pets? Take care of the elderly? What if I told you in order for your rental application to be accepted, you had to watch 1BR from start to finish every day for the next month? Oh, the HORROR!!!
The “Thumb Parodies” are somewhat of a curious personal legend. All the way back in 2008, when I first joined Netflix, the series caught my eye and I added the short films to my queue. Ever since then, they have been there waiting, watching me as I added more and more movies in front of them on my list. Well, today they are ignored no longer. I have finally rented The Blair Thumb.